Part 33 – Slaying Private Robert

Chaos.

Violence.

Lag.

I had no goddamned idea what was going on. Explosions seemed to be in slow motion one moment, suddenly jumping next. The forces of Bob were engaged with my own, that much was certain. The Nosferatus were working well it seemed, draining even their massive truck carriers to near nothing.

I looked in horror to my side as the Nidhogger carrier exploded in a violent death. Either that, or it just fell apart of its own accord, much like all Minmatar vehicles are expected to. Still, without gasoline reserves even the mighty forces of Bob could not stand in my way. It was almost as if life was broken in my favor. I had to take advantage of this before some god nerfs it.

The Nanophoon conveying my person sped ahead of the battle, and the lag seemed to clear. It would seem moving at speeds unattainable by missiles in this nanofiber-covered Typhoon took me out of that dreaded lagzone. The form of Bob’s titanic shape loomed into my view, and I knew it was now single combat.

One overpowered speedster breaking the laws of physics and common decency versus one oversized behemoth wielding almost godlike powers and fear. Truly, this would be an epic battle.

He started first. Bob’s great form seemed to shiver as I drove in my orbit of his giant shape. He was attempting to escape now that I had penetrated his forward lines! His great behemoth was turning to speed off. I had but one option… to bump him! I knew that he wouldn’t dare let my car actually touch his metal hull, forcing him to turn sharply and lose that precious road alignment. With but a touch, the great titan spun. Teamspeak cheered, and my second force arrived.

Zooming in from a great distance, thousands of Ibis, Velator and Reaper Noobcars set upon the titanic shape, eating away with the might of cars so cheap that they were free. Who else would think of fitting such masses with ‘T2’ annoyance?

I sat relaxed, watching Bob crumble and break under my relentless noobassault. The wreck of his massive train body was visible for all to see. 0.0 was mine now! Yet somehow, I felt no longer satisfied. This conquest was but one step of my grand plan. Empire City had to fall. It was the End Game.

Jita had to be destroyed, like Yulai before it.

(To be continued!)